I am an Only Daughter's Only Daughter's Only Daughter

My BFF has a blawg....

My best friend, JD (see #86-99 on my 100-ish favorite things), is reliving our teen-hood this summer.  She is doing 80's movie reviews... with a twist.  If you were a teen in the 80's or just love the movies from this decade you must read JD's reviews.  She is like totally funny!

JD mentions in one of her reviews that I almost lost my life due the incredible fashion phenomenon that was Flashdance.

It was the summer of 1984 and I spent the last two weeks before my senior year in high school with Only Mother, Only Daddy and Only Grandpa trapped in motorhome on a road trip
View Larger Map.

I took a lovely red sweatshirt and cut the sleeves and the neck out.  I wore that shirt for 10 days, 3400 miles, all the way to Idaho and back.

When we got home my darling Only Mother told me that if she had to look at that shirt one more day she would become a Maniac and cause serious bodily harm to it.  And she wouldn't necessarily bother to take it off of me first.  You knew to believe Only Mother when she spoke.

Sadly the sweatshirt had to go but I'll always have the memories every time I hear the music or see the movie.

Spoiled but not Rotten

Antique Mommy wrote a post today about her Only and how hard it can be not to let an Only become spoiled. It was sweet, touching story that showed how hard it can be and proved beyond a doubt that her Only is anything but rotten.

I have a perspective on this that may be a little different as I am an Only myself.  Onlies may appear spoiled to outsiders looking in.  Onlies get ALL the toys, ALL the time, ALL the attention and ALL the love.  But parents of Onlies know, who else is going to get it?  They are our Only Child.  Do we withhold our love or are attention or our time because we don't want them to have too much?  We all have the same amount of love, time, attention and things to give, we just have to figure out how to spread it around depending on how many we have to give it to.

My Only Mother and Only Daddy never had to worry about who was going to attend which kid's game or recital or who was going to get held first or who got new clothes on a tight budget and who got hand-me downs.  I played softball for 10 years and Only Mother never missed a single game.  The one time Only Daddy did was because his plane was delayed in Denver and he couldn't get a flight.  I certainly didn't get everything I wanted but I did get a lot.  I got more allowance than most of my friends but then I was the Only one to do the chores so I did more around the house. Only Mother instilled in me a sense of appreciation for what I had.

 From an early age I tried (not always successfully) to resist buying Only Daughter every little thing she asked for.  It's hard because my heart tells me it's not the "thing", it's the joy in her eyes and the smile on her face when she gets something she really wants.  But my head helps me remember that the joy and happiness won't mean as much if she comes to expect it all the time. 

It's gotten easier as she's gotten older.  I think when she was little a lot of the "things" where for me.  I was new at the whole being-loved-by-somebody-so-unconditionally thing and I had struggled so hard to have her and had given up hope that I would ever have a child.  Having someone all my own that I could delight so much by giving her a simple little toy was such a thrill!  Now I can talk it out with her, teach her that sometimes you don't get it just because you want it.  I try to teach her the value of a reward for hard work or the good feeling that comes from saving up for something special.

Sure Onlies have some advantages but we can still come out not-rotten if our Parents do it right.  It's my hope and my prayer that Only Daddy and I are doing it right.

Let the Grandparents do the spoiling, we have enough to do just getting them dressed and to school on time!

My Return to The Mall

    I rarely go to The Mall.  I used to go to The Mall, used to love going in fact.  Somewhere over the last, oh, 15 years or so I've grown to not love going to The Mall.  It started back when Only Husband and I were first married and too broke to go.  I found that there was no enjoyment for me cruising the aisles of Dillards or Casual Corner (my favorite stores back in the day) when I had no money to spend.   After so many years of not going  I found that I had lost the desire.

    Now days I'm blessed and have enough to where I can comfortably and safely go and shop Dillard's or Macy's or wherever and not worry too much about what I spend.  I've just never redeveloped the habit of going.  It's Spring and in our house that means that Only Husband spends Friday nights at the local race track.  He has some buddies that he pits for.  It's his time.  It leaves Friday nights as "Girl's Night Out" for Only Daughter and I.  Tonight she asked me to take her to The Mall.

    I can count on one hand in her six years on earth the times I have taken Only Daughter to the mall, literally count them on one hand.  I had no idea she even knew about the The Mall.  The last few times she was even old enough to remember were direct stops to Build-A-Bear, Starbucks and home so it kind of caught me off guard when she asked.  But I thought eh, what the heck, we'll go to The Mall.

    We went to Build-A-Bear first where we spent $50 in 10 minutes.  That may be a new record.  Then she said she wanted to go the "kids stores and buy clothes".  So we hit Gymboree and I was quickly reminded why I buy her clothes at the consignment sale and on Ebay.  But she was so cute and grown up when she selected an outfit and asked to go to the "changer room" by herself that I couldn't say no to the shirt and shorts set.  Another 40 bucks in a short period of time.

    The up the escalator AGAIN MOM, AGAIN! to the food court for pizza, $5 in quarters to ride "the rides" (when did the price of rides go from a quarter to  seventy-five cents??), a vanilla latte for Mom and we were done.  As we came out and were heading across the parking lot she grabbed my hand, looked up at me with the biggest smile on her face and said, "Mama, that was the best Girl's Night Out ever!"

    Watch out Mall, I'm back.

The Gospel According to Only Daughter

Only Daughter loves to preach the Gospel.  Usually she has a captive audience of two, me and Only Husband.

Last night during supper she began to preach.  She was on one side of the bar up on a stool as we sat mesmerized on the other side. She had a great sermon going and actually had most of the resurrection facts fairly straight.  I was so proud as thoughts of how 3 years of AWANA was bearing fruit.  She told of the empty tomb, of Mary and "them other Mary's" talking to the Angel and then seeing Jesus.  My heart was swelled to bursting I tell ya!

It was then that the story began to veer a little but bless her, her heart was in the right place.  She told us that Jesus was all powerful and He TOLD THOSE "HEBREWLITES" TO GO BACK TO EGYPT WHERE THEY BELONGED!

Only Husband kicked me hard and then had to hold on to me to keep from falling off the barstool laughing.

And all the people said ..... AMEN!

My Command Center - Works for Me!

I got the idea for a Command Center from my favorite Junkie.

I keep it on the wall in our playroom because (1) It's right by the pegs where we keep all our bags (school, church, purse etc.) (2) The computer is  in the playroom and I can log everything into my Yahoo! calendar and (3) It's the biggest area where I had the blank wall space.  When we paint the playroom (hopefully in the next few weeks I think I am going to replace the corkboard with cork tiles to be able to expand and have more clips but for now it's really working well.

I used large binder clips held by push pins and labeled over each one what types of papers go where.

Click on the thumbnails to see larger images.

I have the following categories determined by what we needed to keep track of most and everyone knows where to put put things and more importantly to find them when they're needed.

• AWANA - schedules, slips to be turned in etc.

             

• 

  SCHOOL INFO - papers for upcoming events, benchmark list, things that don't have to be turned in but that I need to keep visible.

               

• RETURN TO SCHOOL - each weeks homework sheet (she's in Kindergarten so we only have one sheet of homework per week), permission slips, enrollment form - you get the idea, anything that needs to be returned.

• GYMNASTICS - same idea here, schedule, slips, info etc.

 

• CHURCH - again the same idea, I have a copy of the church directory here and anything else I might need to remember or turn in.

This system has not completely tamed by paper tiger but for these things it WORKS FOR ME!!

See all the great ideas at Shannon's Place

Part-time Siblings

    Only Daughter is an only but she is blessed with sibling-type experiences.  We have an 8 yr. old little boy and his 13 yr. old sister who practically live with us.  We met them when we moved to this house a year and a half ago.  They spend a great deal of their time with their Grandma who lives across the street and 3 houses down and if they are at Grandma's they are pretty much here.

    I don't have a lot of details on their home life but I've gathered that it isn't exactly ideal.  They are basically starved for attention, especially the little boy.  We give them attention and a safe place.  Their Mom works nights and we gather that Dad isn't always around and may drink too much when he is.  Grandma has her hands full; she's single, works full-time and has two kids of her own still in high school.

    So we've opened our home to them and when they're here we just treat them like they are our own.  We take them to church with us, they are here for family gatherings, they eat dinner with us 4-5 times a week.  We've grown to love them and would keep them if we could.

    Only Daughter and The Boy are crazy for each other.  If they go more than 2 days without each other they are like little lost puppies.  When Only Daughter stayed with her Grammy for five days over Spring Break The Boy wrote her a "letter" that said how much he missed her and to PLEASE call him the minute she got home.  Soooo sweet!

    Only Husband and I keep saying that God knew what He was doing when He gave us an Only.  He knew we would need the time, space and love available for our two part-time kids.  Praise Him for know because though we love having them we also love when we can send them home!

The Cast of Onlies

I thought I would take a moment to introduce the Cast of Onlies in my life as I will be telling stories about them.  Hopefully some of them will never, ever know....

Only Husband - Todd:  45, roofer, handy man, modern day cowboy, lover of all things racing (NASCAR, dirt track, etc.), hunter, fisherman, would live on the farm if I could be that far away from Wal-Mart.  Never owned a suit and I think he's perfect.

Only Daughter - Brystol:  6, girly girl, brilliant reader, preaches the Gospel like nobody's business, dancer, gymnast, wants to be a vet when she grows up.  She has the attitude of a teen but still needs Mama to hold her.

Only Mother and Only Daddy - my parents:  Not Ward and June, more like Fred and Ethel.  They fuss a lot but if they didn't that's when we would worry about them.  They travel the country selling jelly and salsa.  My friends always said I had the coolest parents.

Only MeMe and Only BoBo - Todd's parents: That's what everyone, related or not calls them.  Well not the "only" part of course.  Only Niece named them that when she was little and that is how they are know world wide.  They will be married 50 years this August. 

Only Sister and Only Brother-In-Law - Todd's sister and her husband:  They don't live far but we don't see them often enough.

Only Niece - Only Sister's daughter:  She just had a baby!

JD - Best Friend:  Can't call her "Only" cause that would seem like she's my only friend and I really do have others.  Really.

JB - Best Friends Only Daughter:  2 yrs younger than my only.  We've told them they'd better get along because they have no choice but to be best friends just like their mamas.

That's mostly everyone.  I'll introduce a few more along the way.  Now I must fight the Friday-After-Lunch-Snooze-Blues that come our office at about this time every week.  You can find me in my office either productively working or trying desperately to not let my head slam the desk as I dozzzzzzzzzz

We have a new baby....

Only Husband's Only Niece had a baby yesterday.  Kelton Daron ____ was born at 11:11am April 9th.  He wasn't due until May 2 but he's doing great.  He weighs 6lbs 3 oz and is 19" long.  He has a full head of fuzzy  black hair and a perfect little face.  This makes him the Only Great-Grand Baby.

Only Daughter is convinced this baby was born for her use only.  This will be the closest she'll ever get to having a sibling and she's made it clear that she is in charge of him.  I'm waiting for them to get home to see if the jealousy monster will make a visit.  She may not be so fond of this baby when her MeMe is holding him instead of her.

Only Niece was 24 when Only Daughter was born so Only Daughter has ruled the roost for 6 years.  This is going to be fun....

Have you tried the House Fairy?

I'm joining my fellow Okie, Shannon and sharing a website that has really starting working for us.

My 6 yr old OD (only daughter) has trouble keeping her room clean.  She really has inherited a lot from me, poor thing.  I've been trying to get better Organized and am even trying to learn to Fly and in the process trying to find what will motivate my DOD (dear only daughter)to keep her room clean.

I think we've found it.  It's the House Fairy and since the House Fairy has been visiting our house the changes in my DOD's room are remarkable.  House Fairy can come at anytime and if she finds your room clean she will leave a treat!!  DOD is buying it y'all! I'm all about whatever works and hopefully when she figures out there is really no House Fairy (or Tooth Fairy or Santa) she'll be 30 she'll have the habits instilled and will keep them up.

Last night we listened to the House Fairy CD and worked on her room together.  It was precious I tell ya!  Bonding over folding laundry and singing songs about "Mr. Toots".  Life can't  get much better and it  Works for Me!!
 

I think I'll explain the "only daughter" thing...

(Posted on my original blog 2 yrs ago but nobody ever saw it.)

My maternal grandmother, Mae Isabel Walker Raper, was the the only daughter of six kids.  My mother is the only daughter of 3 kids.  I am the only daughter and the only kid.  Now I have a daughter and she will also be an only so the tradition continues.

My great-uncle Ernest, one of "Ma's" brothers, coined the phrase "Only daughter's, only daughter's, only daughter".  He owned a laundry mat in the late 60's and would carry me around in one enormous hand telling me I was special because I was an Only Daughter.

Ma was born in June of 1907 in Indian Territory, an area that later became the State of Oklahoma.  She was the youngest of the six siblings.  She graduated high school and then went on to graduate from Oklahoma A&M College (now OK State) with a degree in Home Economics in 1930.  This was a very unusual feat for women in those days and great source of pride for our family.

She married Clarence Raper in June of 1930.  They set up a dairy farm on her (yes! her!) land along the South Canadian river on the Pottawatomie/Seminole county line. Together they built a thriving dairy and farm, had 2 sons and a daughter.  Tragically the daughter was lost in a home fire when she was 4 yrs old.  Six years later they had my Mother and she became an only daughter.

 

Ma was 60 when I was born but she never seemed old. She died of leukemia when she was 74.  She played with us (I have 5 cousins who are like sisters and brothers to me), she took the oldest cousin - the rest of us in tow - cruisin' main street.  She let us "swim" in a ditch on the farm when our dads had said no.  She joined us for tea parties in the cellar.  She taught us how to sew and to crochet and to cook.  She taught us that God loves us and Christ died on the cross for us.  She taught us beauty and manners and a deep respect for our heritage.  She taught us how to take little bits of nothing and make them into the wonderful somethings.  And, I guess the most important lesson she taught us was how to be strong and carry on once she was gone.

Oh how I miss her.